


No Excuses

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set post Irresistible, and Rodney deals with the consequences of Lucius drugging him and his friends. I suppose this is AU, maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Excuses

**Author's Note:**

> This story came of my frustration with the cavalier attitude by the writers after this episode was criticized.

********

The look in Teyla’s eyes echoed across the length of Atlantis, but Rodney wondered if he was the only one listening.

The instant Carson had given him the shot, the weeping – Lucius _needed_ him – stopped, and the fury took over. The asinine jokes to cover embarrassment had all fallen short, so stupid, and he seethed while Elizabeth blushed to the roots of her hair. The truth was big and ugly, and no one seemed to get it, but that didn’t make it any less real.

Lucius hadn’t touched Elizabeth. No, he’d saved himself for Teyla and Rodney. All those unwilling wives hadn’t been enough for the man’s giant libido.

Sheppard was oblivious, and Ronon was a big question mark, but Rodney wasn’t going to discuss it with them. He took tea to Teyla’s quarters, and they didn’t speak a word of the truth that hung like foul air between them. When their cups were empty, a single tear rolled down Teyla’s face, and Rodney caught it on his index finger. There weren’t enough words in the universe, and Rodney hated with an intensity to rival suns.

“Time heals,” she whispered. “He was nothing but a fool.”

Rodney couldn’t agree with her. He bowed his head, and their foreheads met. When he stood, the pain gripped him again. Something of it must have touched his face because she looked away. He was grateful for that kindness.

Going back to his quarters, it was his misfortune to run into Sheppard.

“Up for some chess?” Sheppard’s usual smirk was firmly in place.

There was no way Rodney was going to sit on his aching ass in a plastic chair for the next two hours. “All that hiking wore me out.”

“We couldn’t very well shove him out the jumper door!”

“Why not?” Rodney snarled. He realized Sheppard had taken him by the arm, and he ripped himself away. Stomping to his quarters was the act of a five-year-old, and he enjoyed every minute of it. Locking his door, he filled his giant tub, adding bubbles. His radio chirped, but he tossed it aside, getting in slowly and letting the hot water take some of his aches away. He couldn’t bear to inspect the damage, and going to Carson wasn’t possible. The questions would kill him with shame and anger.

The water sparked his genius, as usual, and he rose from it, toweling off hurriedly. Five minutes later, he was pulling up security footage, checking and double-checking frantically. He nearly vomited when he found it, and he copied it to his secure laptop, password protected the file, and then ruthlessly deleted the entire last week from the database, just in case he’d missed something.

“McKay! Answer your damn radio!” Sheppard bellowed as he opened the door. Instantly, he stopped, eyes shifting away. “I’ll wait outside.”

“Do that!” Rodney scooped the towel up off the floor and threw it in the direction of the laundry. He paused, hid the computer file, bolted to the bathroom, and vomited the power bars he’d eaten instead of food. Sagging down, he breathed through his mouth and wished he were the kind of man who could nuke a planet.

“Rodney?”

“Go away!” Rodney surged to his feet, grabbed his toothbrush, and forced himself to recite pi instead of thinking.

“Are you getting my cold?” Sheppard didn’t sound sympathetic.

Rodney shuddered all over, catching the boxers Sheppard threw with his face. “What happened to waiting outside?” he yelled.

“I was worried.” Sheppard wasn’t looking at him, even though they’d seen each other naked before, and it was very old news. Sheppard was shy, and as infuriating as that was, Rodney understood it. They both slept in their clothes on a regular basis for reasons they hoped Heightmeyer never uncovered.

“Well, throw me some pants!”

“Geez,” Sheppard muttered, but pants sailed through the air, landing at Rodney’s feet.

“Where’s the fire?” Rodney asked as he slipped into his BDUs. A black shirt flew into the sink, and he snatched it up. Putting it under his arm, he finished his teeth. Sheppard shrugged and looked away when their eyes met via the mirror. Rodney froze, pushing away the numbers. “You okay? We did stun you, drag you around, and throw you in a cell.”

“Throw?”

“Ronon did it,” Rodney said instantly. He racked his toothbrush and shrugged into his shirt.

Sheppard squinted, showing his disbelief. “I’m fine, except for my stuffy nose.”

“Saved by snot. That has to be a SGC first.” Rodney shoved his feet into his shoes, feeling like a pack of C4, waiting for a detonator. He could do this, act normal. Sheppard led the way out the door, and Rodney snagged his jacket before following. They ended up in the cafeteria, and Rodney found some bland soup that he hoped would stay down. Other than that, he got some water. Sheppard stared at Rodney’s tray, but Rodney wasn’t up to defending his choices.

“You’ve got to be sick.”

Rodney managed four slurps before his gorge rose, and he tried to wash it away with a little water. Shifting on his ass didn’t help his appetite, and when Sheppard gave him another funny look, meal time was over. Rodney stood, favored him with the glare that meant they were best friends, and took his tray to the dirty pile. Back out in the hallway, he hesitated, unsure what to do.

Several people came by him, laughing at some joke, and anger curled in his gut again. A hand clapped down on his shoulder, and he jumped away.

“Sure I can’t talk you into a game of chess?”

“No,” Rodney said; his voice breaking on the vowel. He flushed. “I have a project I want to work on,” he lied, but Sheppard’s nod meant he’d pulled it off. He didn’t look back, using the transporter and finding his way through the city until he was far from any place that held people. Stepping out onto a balcony, he watched the moon rise and fought to push his emotions away. He had to work. This city needed him, and he didn’t have the luxury of giving in to a breakdown.

So he’d had sex. So he hadn’t wanted to have sex – after the fact. So it’d been rough. He clearly remembered being so proud that Lucius had picked him, not that asshole Carson. Biting his lip, he almost wished… but he couldn’t wish it on anyone. He rubbed the spot on his forefinger where he’d caught Teyla’s tear. The Athosians considered sex a gift, never to be given away lightly. Teyla didn’t even take birth control because Athosians believed children came when the Ancestors wished it.

Pushing away from the wall he’d slumped against, he made his way to the infirmary, standing just inside the door and watching Carson work. Carson glanced at him but didn’t stop bandaging a Marine’s hand.

“Stay away from Ronon. Rumor is that he’s in a foul mood.” Carson sent the Marine on his way and strolled over to him. “Rodney, are you well?”

Rodney considered his next words very carefully, waiting so long that Carson raised his eyebrows. “I wanted to apologize. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean under the influence of that drug.”

“Aye, well, me too.” Carson nodded. “But you’re fine?”

Choking back a cascade of hatred, Rodney stepped very close and lowered his voice. “Teyla… she…” He couldn’t go on.

“Teyla is hurt?” Carson whispered.

“Talk to her. Please.” Rodney turned and tried very hard not to run away. He was breathing hard by the time he made it to his private lab. Rage made him almost weak, but he had more than enough strength to throw his coffee mug against the wall. The sound of it breaking made him smile. That was what he wanted to do – break Lucius. Break him. None of that taking him back to his planet to walk around, bragging about all the Lanteans he’d fucked. No, he should’ve been killed, and the earth salted so he couldn’t rest in peace.

He hefted the coffee pot but couldn’t do it. Going to the wall, he went to one knee and picked up each fragment of the mug, cutting his fingers twice. The pain and the blood focused him, and he nodded, smearing the blood on Teyla’s tear. Lucius was a rapist, and he didn’t get to walk away from his crimes.

Satisfied with his decision, he found some code to write, lying on his stomach, and losing himself in the familiar.

“Last time I saw you on your stomach, they’d just pulled an arrow from your ass,” Sheppard said, and Rodney jerked awake, flailing, not sure where he was in time or space. Taking a deep breath, Rodney made sure he’d saved his work before shutting the laptop, and Sheppard sat down next to him. “You okay?”

Launching himself to his feet, Rodney shouted loud enough to be heard in the gateroom, “Why do you keep asking that? Can’t you see I’m fine?”

Sheppard’s eyes were very wide as he leaned back on his arms. “I only said it once, and no, I can’t. Did you cut your hand?”

Trust Sheppard’s keen eyesight to spot the blood, and Rodney wilted. “I’m going to my quarters. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes,” Sheppard said, drawling out the word. He was also getting to his feet. “Go see Carson if that cut is bad. We have a mission tomorrow, remember?”

“No, but yes, and I’m going.” Rodney didn’t look back, trusting that Sheppard wouldn’t follow. Toeing off his shoes, Rodney collapsed onto his bed and shut his eyes, not that he could sleep. It all stirred around in his brain over and over again, cementing his desire to make Lucius pay.

********

“Dial it up, Chuck!”

Rodney clipped his P-90 on his Tac-vest and made sure he had two extra clips, not just the one. He popped the strap on his 9mm and double-checked his stunner. There was also C-4 in his pack, but he wasn’t going to advertise that.

“McKay? You ready, or should I get you a SAW?” Sheppard snarked.

“Would you?” Rodney raised his chin and narrowed his eyes, wishing they were taking a puddlejumper.

“No. You’d shoot us.” Sheppard led the way through the wormhole, and Rodney stepped through right behind Teyla, anger propelling him.

“Teyla, get our six,” Sheppard said, but Rodney stopped at the DHD. Teyla hesitated, but Ronon and Sheppard strode away without a look back.

Teyla’s eyes were big, sad, and Rodney rubbed his finger. “You can go with me,” he said in a bare whisper, knowing she’d understand.

“I trust you.” Teyla gifted him with a small smile. “Hurry.” She ran after the rest of the team, and Rodney dialed. By the time he bolted through, Sheppard and Ronon were yelling at him to stop, and he wasted no time in pulling the chip on the other side. That would also make sure no one got off this planet before he was finished.

The hike was going to take forever, but he didn’t stand around to bitch about it. He got moving down the trail, keeping his stunner ready with one hand and his other on his P-90. Two powers bars – he’d packed extra – and one hour later, he stopped dead, gulping for air.

It was too easy for a genius such as himself to visualize the chase and the capture, and he dropped to his knees, vomiting until he could only dry-heave. Water didn’t help. He barfed that too, and he finally staggered far enough away that he couldn’t smell it or see it. That got his stomach under control, but there was no way to stop his brain from replaying the image.

Breathing heavily through his mouth, he forced himself to march back to the hanging body. The women – his wives – ex now – hadn’t been content to hang Lucius. They’d also cut off his genitalia and stuffed it in his mouth. Rodney swallowed bile and drew his gun. He didn’t care that he was being stupid; he fired into Lucius’ dead and bloated body until some of his rage was left there on the trail.

“You bastard!” Rodney yelled, lowering his gun. Panting, he turned and ran back to the gate, away from the stench and the hatred. The trip back didn’t take as long, and he felt like passing out when he got there. Stumbling, he knelt and fixed the DHD, watching his hands shake.

He stayed on the ground, breathing like a freight train, waiting and waiting, but in reality, it didn’t take long. His lungs still burned when it engaged.

“Rodney!” Sheppard didn’t sound happy to see him. “Rodney?”

Rodney didn’t want to look up, face them, face her.

“What did you do?” Sheppard growled, taking Rodney’s empty gun from his hand. “Rodney!”

Teyla grabbed Rodney by the hand, and their eyes met. “Dr. McKay?”

It was the formality after years of hearing his first name that made him blink. “He’s dead, Teyla.”

She sucked in a hard breath, and he swallowed the taste of pennies. Her voice held the barest of trembles. “I am glad.”

“So are the villagers from what I saw,” Rodney said, and the thudding of feet made him shift his gaze to see Ronon, pounding up the trail. Sheppard paced back and forth three times.

“Stay with him, Teyla.” And Sheppard was gone like he’d been shot out from cannon. Rodney saw it all again – the blood, they’d castrated him first – and moved away fast so he could vomit. She kept her hand on his back.

“We will remain here.” Her voice was firm.

He was glad she felt that way. She handed him her canteen, and he sipped it, but it didn’t stay down, and the spattering of blood on the grass made him wince.

“You have made yourself ill,” she chastised.

“No, pretty sure he did that.” Rodney clasped her hand and straightened his back. He wiped his mouth, made sure not to breathe on her, and they waited together. She tried to get him to eat a power bar but put it away quickly when he heaved. The sun beat down on them, hot, and he kept hold of her so she couldn’t change her mind about going up the trail.

Pounding footsteps made them both breathe a sigh of relief, and Sheppard was right on Ronon’s heels. Sheppard was a little green around the gills, but Ronon looked grimly satisfied.

“Don’t have to worry about that security breach,” Ronon growled.

Sheppard leaned over, putting his hands on his knees. “We should’ve buried him.” He panted between words, and Rodney was not going to go back to help them do it.

“Not our choice.” Ronon stalked to the DHD and dialed home. “Sheppard, help McKay.”

“He vomited blood,” Teyla said, and Rodney let his knees sag as they each tucked their shoulder under an arm.

“We were never here,” Sheppard said right before they stepped through to Atlantis.

Weir came down the stairs fast. “John?”

“We scrubbed the mission.” John hefted Rodney a little higher. “Rodney is on his way to the infirmary.”

Rodney, for his part, tried to look exhausted and sick, and he was pretty sure he pulled it off.

Teyla touched her ear bud. “Carson, we are bringing Rodney to you.”

Ronon growled something, scooped Rodney up, startling everyone, and strode for the infirmary. Rodney tried not to clutch him.

“This wasn’t necessary,” he grumbled, afraid his head lolled onto Ronon’s shoulder.

“You should’ve told me.” Ronon’s voice rumbled in his chest, and Rodney fell silent. Ronon understood now, and Rodney wasn’t sure but that might have been shame on Ronon’s fierce face.

“What the hell?” Carson and his horde of nurses descended on Rodney as soon as his back hit the gurney. “Ronon?”

“He’s sick.” Ronon faded from sight, but Sheppard’s face swam into view.

Sheppard looked ready to kill, and Rodney saw his truth shining in those eyes. The real truth – the ugly one – the one that made his stomach try to empty itself again. A strong hand gripped his, and he squeezed. Carson blathered on about this and that, but Rodney yanked Sheppard close.

“I’m okay,” Rodney whispered.

********

“How’s your patient?” Elizabeth’s voice carried easily, and Rodney kept his eyes shut. The very last thing on this planet that he wanted to do was talk to her.

“Better,” Carson said. “I’ll release him tomorrow.”

“Good.” She might’ve sighed. “Just a case of the stomach flu?”

“Seems that way.”

Elizabeth lowered her voice. “I know you feel guilty about bringing Lucius here, but you-–”

“I don’t feel guilty,” Carson snapped. “I was drugged. Helpless. We’re all damn lucky he didn’t tell us to kill Colonel Sheppard. We would have!”

Rodney shuddered, because he hadn’t thought of that. He’d have done anything to keep Lucius happy. Anything.

“Yes. We were lucky.” She paused. “He wasn’t a bad man.”

“He was a terrible man! Those women he coerced were raped, plain and simple. So don’t be asking me to white wash what happened!” Carson sounded furious, and Rodney realized he’d underestimated his friend. Some of the shame dropped away, replaced with disgust for a man so weak that he drugged people to get his own selfish desires.

Their voices went the other direction, but it wasn’t long until Carson put his hand on Rodney’s arm. “I know you were listening, you big faker.”

Opening his eyes and finding some courage, Rodney sat up a little, feeling the bite in his ass again. “I have to tell you something, and believe me when I say that I’d rather do anything else.”

*********

“You okay?”

There was a pause.

“Wait. Forget I said that.” Sheppard ducked his head and rubbed the back of his head. “Did you eat?”

Rodney nearly laughed at Sheppard’s search for a safe topic. “Yes, and it stayed down, and I took my meds, and are there any more intrusive questions you’d like to ask me?”

Sheppard bit his lower lip. “No.”

“Good.” Rodney shifted his gaze back out to the ocean, lapping up against the pier. This was his favorite spot to come and mope when it felt like he’d destroyed one too many solar systems. “Long walk out here.”

“Fresh air is nice.”

“How bland of you.” Rodney couldn’t miss Teyla’s small laugh, but he didn’t look at her, or Ronon, lurking close. The wind picked up a little, and it was time to do what he’d come here to do. “Ronon, throw this as far as you can.” He held out the laptop with the evidence on it. Sure, he could’ve wiped the drive, but this was going to feel so much better.

John gasped. “Rodney, are you out of your mind?”

But Ronon already had a hold of it, and it was sailing. The splash was loud in Rodney’s heart, and the laptop vanished beneath the waves in the blink of an eye.

“Always wanted to do that,” Ronon said with a wicked grin. “Any more that gotta go?”

“No.” Rodney breathed deeply and caught Teyla by the arm, pulling her close. “Let’s go see if there’s toast. I love toast and jam.”

She gave him a small bow of the head. “I, as well.”

“So… we’re okay?” Sheppard sounded very hesitant.

“No, but we’ll get there.”

*********

end


End file.
